Grief.. it’s not something you really think about until you’re affected by it. I have never experienced anything like this in my life, but I want to share because I know so many people can relate.
I can’t write this post without dedicating it to my beautiful angel Taylor Ann Scott. To say she was an unbelievable person would be an understatement. She was always a role model to me, but she still continues to inspire me on a daily basis. My heart hurts in so many ways, but I can find some peace knowing she is out of pain and shining her light on us all. I love you so much Tay. I’ll see you again one day.
Now I will say that I am still 100% grieving and will do another post later one, but these are just a few of my thoughts and lessons on grief up until this point. (And how I’m functioning or trying to function in real life)
1) The world keeps going, but let yourself feel– this might be the hardest part of it all. There are tragedies that happen all day, but the world keeps on going. You get hit with all of these emotions and shock, and then are expected to get back to life. It’s a really hard game to play of faking it and trying to act normal. What I’ve been trying to is letting myself feel, no matter what. I’ve gone to the bathroom in public several times to let some tears out so they aren’t held in. Do what you need to do to make yourself feel a little more calm. Listen to chill music, take lots of walks outside, read a good book, cry it out, spend time with a pet, have long conversations with a loved one. Little things like this have been getting me through day to day life.
2) Don’t judge yourself– this has actually come pretty naturally during this time to me, but remember that everyone has to grieve and everyone does it differently. Your body is trying to process something extremely painful and it might react in ways that might not be normal to you. Whatever it is, give yourself some slack (unless it’s harmful behavior) and don’t judge yourself. I’ll admit I’ve been leaning on comfort food and wine way more than usual, but again it’s not a harmful behavior and it’s only temporary to just get me through.
3) You never know the power of reaching out to someone– I can’t tell you how much it means to just get a text from someone saying they are thinking about you. If you hear of someone going through grief, reach out to them, no matter how much time has passed since the last time you talked. Feeling support from all angles really makes you feel like you’re going to be ok. I’m way more aware of other people’s lives now and how powerful it is to reach out to others during tough times, no matter how much time has passed.
4) You realize what truly matters– if this is not one of the most valuable lessons I’ve realized. I’ll admit that I let myself get worked up about extremely unworthy thoughts and things like body image and trying to basically be “perfect”, which doesn’t exist. Now I can step back and see how much of my life was wasted on things that don’t matter. You know what does matter? Your family, your friends and how you are as a person. 🙂
5) Writing letters is so powerful– I can’t say how much I truly believe this now. We always hear “tell your loved ones how much they mean to you,” but seriously writing a letter for them to keep is SO special. I have some letters from Taylor, Alan, my sister and parents that I will keep for the rest of my life and I know they have some from me. I am going to make a point to write a letter each Christmas to my immediate family/Alan to go along with their presents 🙂 And a goal to write to a friend every season!
6) People are uncomfortable with grief. Most people don’t know what to say and that’s ok. Grief isn’t a comfortable subject and it’s not talked about in our society enough.. it’s almost “taboo” like depression. I think the more we talk about it and relate to each other, the better. You should never feel uncomfortable having to tell someone that you are grieving. Just a tip*
If someone says they are grieving they aren’t looking for attention or sympathy, they just want you to know that they might need a moment here & there and that they are trying. If you are on the other side, ask if they want to talk about it. If they don’t just let them know that you are there and sending them love. That’s enough in itself. 🙂
I know this post sort of jumped around but this is just how I feel at the moment and these past 6 weeks. If you’re grieving, never hesitate to reach out to someone. So many people relate more than you think 🙂